Am I?

I have lots of dreams in life. Some says I am ambitious. I don't care! For me, people who dont know how to dream are liken to those who are dead. Dreams awaken my soul, it helps me look forward for something better, something more exciting and wonderful. Dreams provide pavement to my goals in life. It makes me believe that I am capable of being someone, creating something, achieving wonderful peaks in life and making a difference in the lives of other people. Yeah, somehow it contradicts what I say that I want in my life. I always say that I just want to be simple.So how come I want to be simple yet I am ambitious? Let me explain. Simplicity doesn't mean that you don't know how to dream. It doesn't mean that you won't improve your life and you won't do anything. It doesn't mean that you will just sit there and wait yourself to wither and stagnate. When I say simple, I mean that I will give up the urge to stay in the competition in the corporate world. I mean that I will no longer seek for the temporary consolation. I mean that I won't give in to what the society dictates. I mean that I will turn my back to materialism, egoism and selfishness but instead do something for a cause, for humanity, for the environment. When I say simplicity I mean that I am giving up all the material things, pleasures, luxuries, shallow measurements of happiness in terms of money, possessions, positions, alliances, relationships, knowledges and finally achievements. For me, simplicity in life means achieving a more important things that matters in life. People say I am ambitious whenever I say I want to live in the mountain and help build a better community there, to serve while learning something more valuable, to educate people of whats more important in life than to pursue things that don't really matter. They call me ambitious or impossible when I say I want to revive our rivers and preserve our natural resources. They call me ambitious when I say that I want to help the poor people in the provinces uplift their lives, to teach them a lesson or two on how to make the most out of their day than to just wait for someone to give them their foods or jobs. They say I am ambitious when I say I can see a better future of my country, that we can finally enjoy the fruits of our labors and every family lives decently. They call me ambitious when I say I want to travel the world and experience life, a true meaning of life. Maybe yes, I have lots of dreams in life. Therefore, I am ambitious. But these dreams and ambitions I have are not merely for myself. I dont intend to aim it with a selfish intentions. My dreams and ambitions are not only for me. Because when I say I want to improve my life it means I also wants to improve the lives of other people. People that I don't know personally but continuously hunts me. I know deep within that I am created for something bigger, something that can bring change, a better change. I feel I have a bigger mission here on earth. It is my calling. It is what my heart and soul wants me to do. I know if I didn't listen to my heart it will always hunts me. If I refuse to go after what my soul wants, it will only bring me pain. Thats why I decided to pursue whatever dreams I have and suffer the consequences than not to go after it and regret it for the rest of my life. Whatever things I am doing right now, believe that it has something to do with whatever dreams and ambitions I have, it has some beneficial effect with all this things. I don't need to explain anything to every person I've got to meet or all the people I knew in my life because whatever it is that I am doing it is only between me and my God and my dreams link to my mission He entailed to me.

So what if I am ambitious? So what if I have alot of dreams in life? I don't care as long as I can achieve what they called "a true happiness and contentment in life" and do things that will outlasts and that will matter most in this life! Happy living! :) -belle 06/08/07 11:30 pm

Believe while others doubt.
Work while others wish.
Save while others waste.
Persevere while others quit.
Pray and stay while others walk away...

-a text message received 06/08/07 (just wanna keep the message and wants to share it w/ others)

i have this kind of feelings for you that sometimes it hurts me knowing that i can neither have you nor be with you even for awhile..

just as i thought

i've been looking for you for so long. i never thought that i could ever see you in this lifetime.

i gave up all hope in ever finding someone like you. so i just told myself that if ever time has come that i finally find you i wont ever let you go.. never!

then you came..you had found me. suddenly i feel that finally...just finally after the long search, it is officially over! it is finally over. someone already came. it is you...

you are... that "someone", that "real one", that "true thing", that "kind of thing", that "love", that "perfect one for me", that "too good to be true thing", that "who can completes me", that "everything and whatsoever"....you are and no one else in this world.

i told myself i will take the risk. it is now or never. whatever it takes...i am willing to fight for it!

i guess its time for me to grow up and be mature enough to stand for the love i'm searching for..

that was i thought.

because you are everything that i dreamed of, everything i wanted, everything i long to have exists in my real world but to you i am just one of them. i am just one of the many other person you've met. i am just another girl.

i am starting to build my new world with you, as beautiful as it can be and with lots of hope that this time this thing will last a lifetime..but then its suddenly go wrong...

i suddenly ask myself, could you be falling for me? could i be the one you're looking for?

could it be? could i be the one?

you are that "someone, that "real one", that "true thing", that "kind of thing", that "love", that "perfect one for me", that "too good to be true thing", that "who completes me" that "everything and whatsoever" to me, you are for me or JUST I ONLY THOUGHT! a false alarm that feels so true. i was sadden by the fact. i need to go back to once i was before.

i'll be waiting again, hoping again, praying again for that someone. dont know when to stop neither where to begin again unless you will personally tell me that you feels the same way too.. just as i thought! - belle 06/07/07 12:36 am

insecurity versus security

if you are secure of yourself there's nothing to worry. people whose insecure of themselves are the one who criticize often. they cannot accept the fact that there's people out there who can be independent and successful. they cannot accept that somebody out there can overshadow them. and they cannot accept that someone can have the very thing that they're longing to have. its all self-denial. they just pretend to be super powerful, strong and whatsoever but if you look deeply to them they are empty, insecure and pathetic. they're just trying to disguise themselves. but if you are sure of yourself, and you really know who you are..you dont need to shout it to the world. people will automatically see that in you. even if you appear humble, low-profile and tend to be no one it will comes naturally. just like the saying, "you dont need to shout that you are a woman. if you do then you're not!" i believe that there's something in those people whose secure of themselves. they just act naturally, converse effortless and prove things unconciously. so for those people whose insecure...please, just mind your own business! you have to do some more, prove some more for you to gain my praise or anything. honestly, it wouldnt hurt me if you say those stupid things. i am secure of myself. i wont step down to your level nor give in to your demands. i know what i am and who i am. i dont base my totality as a person to everything that you people say. you can try to bring me down but you will never succeed. you cannot take away my faith in myself and the way i love myself. thats what i have that you dont have! thats the edge that i have...do you think you can have it too? then prove it! -belle 6/4/07 11:04pm