senti feeling

My heart is bleeding...
and my eyes are filled with tears.
I tried not to feel anything
but I am only a human.
My heart is not made of stone nor steel.
It is vulnerable... fragile... and easily bruised.
Why?
Why?
It cuts deeply and it hurts!
I can fool the world that its nothing
but I cannot fool myself when I am alone..
I know there is something
but this something is not something to be something..
I deserve to be treated better
I deserve a good deal...
It is not my fault...yet why does I felt it is mine to blame?

This tears will continue to fall each night
My heart will continue to get hurt
But no one will know it..
I'll do my best to hide it until everything will be alright

For all I know, this too shall pass...
Something better will come...
I'll hold on..
I'll keep my faith..
I still believe in something called "love"
inspite and despite of whatever it made me feel...
for now, just let my tears wash away my pain
the pain thats good for nothing...

...for now...

There are some things that better left unsaid, undone and unanswered. It is better left keep inside. If something's not smooth flowing and can only hurt you, maybe its better to turn your back to it. Dont let yourself get hurt again and again.. There's no use of holding on if there's nothing to hold on. It is such a disappointment! Such a waste of time... Dont wait for someone whose not worthy of your time and attention.

yeah, yeah...of course!

yeah i know... yeah i get it... of course i will understand... its not my damned business..
i have nothing to do with it... damned, it is mean! damned it is offensive! damn!

Might Just Let It Go by Jack Johnson

I know she said it's alright
But you can make it up next time
I know she knows it's not right
There ain't no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something
Maybe maybe she thinks it's fine
Maybe she knows something I don't
I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying
It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down
I know she loves the sunrise
No longer sees it with her sleeping eyes
And I know that when she said she's gonna try
Well it might not work because of other ties and
I know she usually has some other ties
And I wouldn't want to break 'em, nah,
I wouldn't want to break 'em
Maybe she'll help me to untie this but
Until then well, I'm gonna have to lie too
It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down
It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go
The harder that you try baby, the further you'll fall
Even with all the money in the whole wide world
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me
Please please please don't pass me by
Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change
You gonna have to call it by a brand new name
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me

Please please please don't drag me down
Just like a tree down by the water baby
I shall not move
Even after all the silly things you do
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

....

when is the time you know that you already moved on?

...it is the time when you are no longer hurt!

yeah

There's still a romantic element in knowing that I love someone but I am choosing to do the right thing by staying silent......

theres so many things i am afraid of.... hope i will conquer this fear and be free after all!

How I wish to teach myself how to reciprocate whatever attention I am receiving

but sometimes you dont need to teach yourself, it is comes out naturally...

I just hope I may feel something towards him...hopefully

heart or mind?

my heart says that yes, i do feel that you have some feelings for me. i notice and appreciate everything you have done or doing and possibly i may feel the same (just give me enough time). but my mind, oh my mind has its own judgement. it truly betrays my heart. it says you like someone else and you might just hurt the heart that naively trusting love itself.... i wish my mind can justify it before i believe it, i wish you will do something to prove my mind that it is not true....

forgive me if i will doubt you coz probably i follow my mind but then forgive me also if i will trust you all the way and let you in my life coz then i do follow my heart! but for now, it is a matter of choice.... my heart or my mind????? which is more credible this time?

if you see me being close with the other person dont put your blame on me. i have waited for you to go find your way but you just cant. i dont know what's in your mind nor in your heart. you said you cant wait... neither me. so maybe it is best this way... let fate just find its way to bring us back together if we are really for each other....

be whatever you want to be, just dont lose that person who can makes you happy..coz you owe yourself a happiness, a lifetime of happiness in that instance!:)

i cant help but miss you each day...

hope you are always fine!

and always happy..:)

you makes me smile please stay for awhile..

for that, you always makes my day complete..definitely!

thoughts2

i am just right here
i am not going away
i am just waiting for you to come back again
just say that you still want me in your life
and i will come back... without any hesistation..
my love is like a wind
you cannot see or touch it
you can only feel it.
feel it and know that i am always right here for you..

07/20/08 12:15am

thoughts..

i pray that things will get better each day...
that i may experience happiness in much extreme way..
that i may share these happiness with the one i wanted the most..
that "the most" in my life makes me his "the most" in his life
in that case i will be in heaven because i will be filled with happiness..
and i will be forever grateful for giving such a blessing in life... :)
i pray...
nothing is impossible..
if you have faith, right?

07/20/08 12:12am

In life, you can always kiss a fool...

or you can let a fool kiss you.

Just never let a single kiss fool you..

Love is complex,

it can hurt,

it can be great...

but never ask anyone to define love

coz love was never meant to be explained

it's supposed to be felt..

You can fall for everyone who treats you special. Just make sure that at the end of the day, you know your way home to the one who treats you as their life...

Food for the thought

-If you want your dreams to come true, dont oversleep.

-The best vitamin for making friends? Be one.

-10 commandments are not multiple choices.

-Ideas wont work unless YOU do.

-One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.

-A turtle makes progress only when it sticks its head out.

-The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.

-One thing you cant recycle is wasted time.

-One thing you can give and still keep is your word.

Just because you deserve it doesn't mean they're gonna give it to you.. sometimes you have to go and take what's yours..

Sometimes you just have to lower your expectations to avoid unnecessary disappointments and pains..

We dream of fairy tale endings with our prince fighting the dragon and the evil witch. But in reality...sometimes the prince simply makes the princess fall in love and then the princess will do all the fighting..

We are all capable of making ourselves happy, but happiness is somewhat different when someone else does it for us... :)

Happiness to me is like this.... just being here with you
and knowing that you are ok..

soon...

I'll be over you, soon...
soonest as possible!
soonest as it can be..
Dont you worry...I'm gonna be ok.. Am ok..more than OK.
Maybe it wasn't really meant to be.
Just maybe wont forget that Smooth-talker-kind-of -guy-thing that had fooled me.
Stupid heart!!
Get over it!!
Goodluck to me...
Thats life!
Love it or hate it...
I'll come for more til I will hurt no more
Til finally my heart will be home...hopefully! :)

Out of Reach...

"Out Of Reach" by Gabrielle

Knew the signs

Wasn't right I was stupid for a while

Swept away by you

And now I feel like a fool

So confused, My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach,

Couldn't see

We were never

Meant to be

Catch myself

From despair

I could drown If I stay here

Keeping busy everyday

I know I will be OK

But I was So confused,

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach, Couldn't see

We were never

Meant to be

So much hurt,

So much pain

Takes a while

To regain

What is lost inside

And I hope that in time,

You'll be out of my mind

And I'll be over you

But now I'm So confused,

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, So far

I never had your heart

Out of reach, Couldn't see

We were never

Meant to be

Out of reach, So far

You never gave your heart

In my reach, I can see

There's a life out there

For me

wahhhhhhh

Cry once in awhile..it is good to your heart. Tears are just tears. You are not weak if you cry, tears makes you strong...crying makes you release whatever pain and hurt you have inside and eventually pain will no longer a pain and hurts will just be a thing in the past. So cry.. just let the tears fall down.. only fools dont cry!

;;;;

Love has alot of disguise. Dont let yourself be fooled by it. They wear love as their masks while underneath it is not, just a selfish advocate who's using emotions to capture you..

my say now...

Never regret anything or anyone in your life that once made you smile... Thats life! People have to come and go but treasure the one's who choses to stay in your life because not everybody is fortunate enough to find someone who is willing to stay inspite of all your imperfections and insanities..

Learn the lessons of life has taught you. Always be truthful, faithful and honest. Never be afraid to love and love til it hurts 'cause in life, you should know that everything will be worthless if there is no love. If there is no one to share with all the things you worked hard to acquire. Material things will makes you happy temporarily but love makes you happy entirely. It makes wonders that you cant explain. Everything will be put into their proper places once you find it. And if you already found it, never never let it go... True love comes only once so dont let the opportunity passes you by. Catch the train before it'll leave you. - Belle 6/03/08 11:27pm

my..my...

Make the most of what you have right now while do whatever it takes to achieve what you really wants in the near future. Always remember, dreams do come true..

nah!! hahaha...

Its better to love and then get hurt than not to love at all! Just smile in the midst of your hurts..:)

Cannon Ball by Damien Rice

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It's still a little harder to say what's going on
There's still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

There's still a little bit of your song in my ear
There's still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

And stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life taught me to die 'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare herIt's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know
Stones taught me to flyLove taught me to lie
Life taught me to die So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon
Stones taught me to fly
Love just taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

for now..

I have faith and I believe in fate. If you are really for me, you are for me... whatever happens, how long it may takes, how hard it will be... if you are the one, you will be back, hold on or never give up.. I do hope! I'm not rushing nor losing my patience coz I know best things in life are worth waiting for. And I know God will give me what is best for me..:)

why??

How do I say goodbye to someone I never had?

Why do my tears fall for someone who was never mine?

Why is it that I miss someone who I was never with?

And I ask why I love someone who's love was never mine?

After all what I've said and done, I just have one thing to say..."Please don't give up on me yet! Not now.."

...??????...

I am a firm believer of fate.. but what I want to know is "Are you real?" "Is this all for real?"

This too shall pass... it won't take that long. Soon it will be over and my sun will shine again..

Beware of the people you trust. Sometimes they are the one who will unexpectedly betray you and cunningly steal your dreams..

am i cursed?

Am I cursed? oh, my! I feel so numb! I want to be numb.. so it won't hurt..

Kim says " If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud..otherwise the moment just passes you by.."

-Michael "My Best Friend's Wedding"

I am Preston Burke, a widely renowned cardiothoracic surgeon. I am a professional. And more than that I am a good and kind person. I am a person that cleans up behind myself. I am a person that cooks well. And you, you are an unbelievable slob. A slovenly, angry intern. I am Preston Burke. And you, you are the most competitive, most guarded, most stubborn, most challenging person I have ever met. And I love you. What the hell is the matter with you that you won’t just let me?
--Isaiah Washington as Dr. Preston Burke talking to Dr. Cristina Yang

Grey's Anatomy

(oh... sweet!! hehe..)

Real Thing by Kalapana

Here comes the night

Once againI'll be feeling lonely

Oh, if only things could work out like you plan

Where can love be

Tell me why it's so hard to find somebody

Who will stand by me

And take the time to understand

And show me love again

I want the real thing

Or nothing at all

I need someone that I can be sure will catch me

If I should fall

Someone who'll be there when I call

Then I'll know that it's the real thing

I want the real thing

To warm me each night

Someone to love me over and over

Making the future bright

Someone who'll be there when I call

Just give me the real thing

Where is the moon?

Wont it smile

On just one more dreamer

Let your beams come down

And fill my empty room

Here comes the night

But if there's still a chance

That love can find me

I'll be here

Crossing my fingers

I want to know for sure

That I can feel secure

Knowing I've found an everlasting love

And once I get that under control

Then I won't let go

Patti Austin - If I Believe
If I believed in paradiseI'd swear I must be there

I'd swear I must be there right now with you

If I believed in miracles

I'd know that one was happening to me

But if I don't believe in paradise

Then miracles aren't real

Then someone tell me what is this I feel

I wanna believe it's love this time

I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie

But with you I can't deny

If I believed in paradise

I'd swear I'm there

If I believed in magic spells

It all would be so clear

'Cause magic spells must have brought you here

If I could see the future

I'd see if you and I were meant to be

But I dont know any magic

And tomorrow's just a dream

But something in this fantasy is real

I wanna believe it's love this time

I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie

I wanna believe it's love this time

I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie

But with you I cant deny

If I believed in paradise

I'd swear I'm there

I'm there I'm there If I believed.

qoute..

I can't be the one always taking the steps. Anymore steps and Im walking away.
--Isaiah Washington as Dr. Preston Burke
Grey's Anatomy

confused! surreal...

talking about something..

Its wise not to choose people/things who chooses to be out of your reach. emotions and time are too expensive to spend for something/someone not worthwhile..

sigh

In times like this, how I wish that we're together. That he is here with me. Gosh, I dont want to miss him like this again! I just want to move on and find another because I know there's no hope of being "US" again. Sad but true. It is the truth that I always find ways to deny. :( -1:55am 3/27/08

fill in..

...all i can say is.. please come back and stay! i've been waiting for you for so long. halt my waiting in vain! will you?

et vroule

There's so many things in life I desire. One of them is to have you back.. to have you back again in my life and never will I lose you ever again!

I'm just wondering if there's such thing as "free falling!" Just curious, huh?

hi!

Let me say "Happy Easter Sunday!" to each and everyone.. :)
Maybe its not that big day to other people but to me it means alot. I guess I dont have to explain myself why... I am just happy that its already an Easter Sunday.. indeed the one that I believe in is already risen! :)

I may be difficult, complicated, unpredictable or unreasonable but one thing is for sure... Even if I can, I have never tried to played with other people's feelings.. never!

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. Share this with all the good apples you know.

Better Together

Better Together (by: Jack Johnson)
There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing but I can try for your heart
And our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it’s so hard?
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together
We’ll look at the stars when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together
And all of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they’ll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they’ll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I’d be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be we’ll sit beneath the mango tree now
It’s always better when we’re together
We’re somewhere in between together
Well it’s always better when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together
I believe in memories they look so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing We’re better together

You should know how to accept things in this life. If it says it wasn't for you, don't be stubborn and insist. There are reasons behind. You may feel bitter at first but when you look back and think you will definitely think its a blessing in disguise. Just learn to move on and accept whatever fate has to offer you. Because fate won't let anyone down who has strong belief that life has more beautiful things to offer.

I almost have everything in life but you...

I prefer to be unpopular, unknown or invisible. Its not what's important to the world thats matter to me but what makes my life more meaningful and fullfilling! I dont care about material things. All I want is something that outlast, something that cannot be buy or taken away by anyone.

uppers

Seek God's will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. - Proverb 3:6

hmmm...

Don't expect anything from me. I may exceed your expectations or worst I may not meet any of it!!! Expect nothing from me because I won't expect anything from anyone else. Is it fair enough? I guess so!

Almost lover

Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think of you. Why can't you just let me be... -- as the song goes..

let me say this, ok?

Let me say this.... please don't think that I am unreachable or impossible because I am not. I may think differently or view things quite the other way but I am just an ordinary person whose struggling to make both ends meet and wants to make life a little better. For sure I have a sound standard but don't think that it is unreachable. Unreachable is unreasonable and unfair. Don't make me out of your reach because I am not. Don't think that I am unreachable until you haven't tried go to my level because as far as I know I am still rooted on the ground. I am still breathing the same air you breathe, I'm still being warmth by the same sun, lighted by the same moon and stars so tell me how come I become unreachable?
Things or people become out of one's reach if he thinks it is out of reach. There's nothing unreachable if you have tried to reach it or at least keep a mind set that you are an equal. All of us are equal, don't think of yourself less nor think of other people more or better. Everything is reachable, everything is possible. You just have to trust yourself and keep the right attitude. So, to reiterate, I am not out of other people's reach. I am just cunning.. so catch me, run after me if you can.....hehehe..

wishful thinking....

I just content myself in thinking that someday, somehow, somewhere, someone will come and stay while others had walked away...
someone who can make me say 'this is my "real thing" finally!'

say something

In one instance of my life he have occupied my mind for a couple of weeks or so.. I guess he have the right to know it or maybe not at all!

but then...

I have said it once before. I've said I will not let myself to feel such things again. I would rather be alone for a long time til it wont hurt anymore. I've said that I will not let anybody in again. Not again until the right time will come. I've already closed my door but there's something in his eyes that made me wonder, there's something in his voice that calm me down, there's something in his presence that made me feel some kind of gladness. I dont know but the more I tried to fight and denied it the more it become stronger.

I've said that maybe I am just missing someone. Maybe I am just fooling myself and make believe that there's an unsual thing that I feel. I dont want to feel this way. I dont want to but maybe if he will ask me and prove it is true I might change my mind. I might entertain the idea that indeed I am capable of feeling that unusual feelings again. Maybe I can open up my door once again and start to believe in again. I may not know the reason why but my heart tells me so.
But then again, still hesitation and confusion haven't gone out of the picture. Maybe if he ask me, it will finally fade away... - 03/10/08 3:08am

what is it??!!

I miss my home, the comfort of my bed, the smell of newly watered grass in the morning, the warm sunshine, the barking of my dogs, my early morning breakfast, my morning routine of listening to the radio (I miss
chicoand delamar!) and reading the daily newspaper. I miss the way I lay myself to the couch to read my book and select which cd to play while sipping a newly prepared tea/coffee or just content myself laid in swing looking up the clouds, watching the beauty of the butterflies and the freedom of the birds in the sky. Also, I miss my movie marathon, the unlimited internet browsing, the phone conversation til wee hours in the morning.
I miss my friends, our get together weekly, monthly or yearly.. those endless conversations about everything under the sun, our hopes and frustrations, happiness and disappointments and the way we teased each other until the other give in. I miss my family, the way they let me do whatever I wish to do, our Sunday lunch, our boisterous laughter, our siblings petty quarrels, our teasing, our childish ways.
Actually, I miss alot of things, everything. Sometimes I think to go back to my comfort zone, wherein things are just plain and simple. I can just relax and let the world revolve and still be living. I can just do the same thing I am doing and live the expectations of other people. I can be just like other people, to be just the same but I have dreams in life that other people cannot understand. I have things in my mind that only myself can comprehend and only a big risk can satisfy myself. Maybe I can go back to where I am before and just live like before but I can’t. Why? Because I am different! Because I don’t want to suffer the pain of being haunted by my unfinished, unfulfilled dreams. I would rather get frustrated, stumbled, cried, scarred, laugh at than turning back on my dreams. My dreams, only this things which makes my life exciting. The way I look forward in fulfilling it gives me reason to survive and deflect whatever negative thoughts that coming my way.
Yeah, honestly, I miss home, I miss my old self, I miss my life, I miss a lot of people, I miss my independence but I would not let this emotions hinder me in pursuing whatever I want to pursue. It may be so difficult and impossible for me to accomplish this but still “I tried” and nothing compared to the thought that I have done everything for it than letting the opportunity passed me by. I don’t want to listen to other people, I have my own life, I can decide for myself. I am just making my life worth living as what I believe in want me to do.
This is life. This is what I choose and I will stand for it. Hey, its time for me to grow up and accept the reality of life.
Am I right or Am I just being too hard to myself again?
I dont know. The only thing I know is I am here for a reason... a reason to be revealed soon. -belle 03/09/08 2:30 am sunday
kuwait

Maybe, maybe not!

Maybe, maybe not! You never know until you tried. Dont give up yet if you havent tried it. Its much better to go after it and know the answer than speculating what might have been..