uppers

Seek God's will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. - Proverb 3:6

hmmm...

Don't expect anything from me. I may exceed your expectations or worst I may not meet any of it!!! Expect nothing from me because I won't expect anything from anyone else. Is it fair enough? I guess so!

Almost lover

Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think of you. Why can't you just let me be... -- as the song goes..

let me say this, ok?

Let me say this.... please don't think that I am unreachable or impossible because I am not. I may think differently or view things quite the other way but I am just an ordinary person whose struggling to make both ends meet and wants to make life a little better. For sure I have a sound standard but don't think that it is unreachable. Unreachable is unreasonable and unfair. Don't make me out of your reach because I am not. Don't think that I am unreachable until you haven't tried go to my level because as far as I know I am still rooted on the ground. I am still breathing the same air you breathe, I'm still being warmth by the same sun, lighted by the same moon and stars so tell me how come I become unreachable?
Things or people become out of one's reach if he thinks it is out of reach. There's nothing unreachable if you have tried to reach it or at least keep a mind set that you are an equal. All of us are equal, don't think of yourself less nor think of other people more or better. Everything is reachable, everything is possible. You just have to trust yourself and keep the right attitude. So, to reiterate, I am not out of other people's reach. I am just cunning.. so catch me, run after me if you can.....hehehe..

wishful thinking....

I just content myself in thinking that someday, somehow, somewhere, someone will come and stay while others had walked away...
someone who can make me say 'this is my "real thing" finally!'

say something

In one instance of my life he have occupied my mind for a couple of weeks or so.. I guess he have the right to know it or maybe not at all!

but then...

I have said it once before. I've said I will not let myself to feel such things again. I would rather be alone for a long time til it wont hurt anymore. I've said that I will not let anybody in again. Not again until the right time will come. I've already closed my door but there's something in his eyes that made me wonder, there's something in his voice that calm me down, there's something in his presence that made me feel some kind of gladness. I dont know but the more I tried to fight and denied it the more it become stronger.

I've said that maybe I am just missing someone. Maybe I am just fooling myself and make believe that there's an unsual thing that I feel. I dont want to feel this way. I dont want to but maybe if he will ask me and prove it is true I might change my mind. I might entertain the idea that indeed I am capable of feeling that unusual feelings again. Maybe I can open up my door once again and start to believe in again. I may not know the reason why but my heart tells me so.
But then again, still hesitation and confusion haven't gone out of the picture. Maybe if he ask me, it will finally fade away... - 03/10/08 3:08am

what is it??!!

I miss my home, the comfort of my bed, the smell of newly watered grass in the morning, the warm sunshine, the barking of my dogs, my early morning breakfast, my morning routine of listening to the radio (I miss
chicoand delamar!) and reading the daily newspaper. I miss the way I lay myself to the couch to read my book and select which cd to play while sipping a newly prepared tea/coffee or just content myself laid in swing looking up the clouds, watching the beauty of the butterflies and the freedom of the birds in the sky. Also, I miss my movie marathon, the unlimited internet browsing, the phone conversation til wee hours in the morning.
I miss my friends, our get together weekly, monthly or yearly.. those endless conversations about everything under the sun, our hopes and frustrations, happiness and disappointments and the way we teased each other until the other give in. I miss my family, the way they let me do whatever I wish to do, our Sunday lunch, our boisterous laughter, our siblings petty quarrels, our teasing, our childish ways.
Actually, I miss alot of things, everything. Sometimes I think to go back to my comfort zone, wherein things are just plain and simple. I can just relax and let the world revolve and still be living. I can just do the same thing I am doing and live the expectations of other people. I can be just like other people, to be just the same but I have dreams in life that other people cannot understand. I have things in my mind that only myself can comprehend and only a big risk can satisfy myself. Maybe I can go back to where I am before and just live like before but I can’t. Why? Because I am different! Because I don’t want to suffer the pain of being haunted by my unfinished, unfulfilled dreams. I would rather get frustrated, stumbled, cried, scarred, laugh at than turning back on my dreams. My dreams, only this things which makes my life exciting. The way I look forward in fulfilling it gives me reason to survive and deflect whatever negative thoughts that coming my way.
Yeah, honestly, I miss home, I miss my old self, I miss my life, I miss a lot of people, I miss my independence but I would not let this emotions hinder me in pursuing whatever I want to pursue. It may be so difficult and impossible for me to accomplish this but still “I tried” and nothing compared to the thought that I have done everything for it than letting the opportunity passed me by. I don’t want to listen to other people, I have my own life, I can decide for myself. I am just making my life worth living as what I believe in want me to do.
This is life. This is what I choose and I will stand for it. Hey, its time for me to grow up and accept the reality of life.
Am I right or Am I just being too hard to myself again?
I dont know. The only thing I know is I am here for a reason... a reason to be revealed soon. -belle 03/09/08 2:30 am sunday
kuwait

Maybe, maybe not!

Maybe, maybe not! You never know until you tried. Dont give up yet if you havent tried it. Its much better to go after it and know the answer than speculating what might have been..