what is it??!!

I miss my home, the comfort of my bed, the smell of newly watered grass in the morning, the warm sunshine, the barking of my dogs, my early morning breakfast, my morning routine of listening to the radio (I miss
chicoand delamar!) and reading the daily newspaper. I miss the way I lay myself to the couch to read my book and select which cd to play while sipping a newly prepared tea/coffee or just content myself laid in swing looking up the clouds, watching the beauty of the butterflies and the freedom of the birds in the sky. Also, I miss my movie marathon, the unlimited internet browsing, the phone conversation til wee hours in the morning.
I miss my friends, our get together weekly, monthly or yearly.. those endless conversations about everything under the sun, our hopes and frustrations, happiness and disappointments and the way we teased each other until the other give in. I miss my family, the way they let me do whatever I wish to do, our Sunday lunch, our boisterous laughter, our siblings petty quarrels, our teasing, our childish ways.
Actually, I miss alot of things, everything. Sometimes I think to go back to my comfort zone, wherein things are just plain and simple. I can just relax and let the world revolve and still be living. I can just do the same thing I am doing and live the expectations of other people. I can be just like other people, to be just the same but I have dreams in life that other people cannot understand. I have things in my mind that only myself can comprehend and only a big risk can satisfy myself. Maybe I can go back to where I am before and just live like before but I can’t. Why? Because I am different! Because I don’t want to suffer the pain of being haunted by my unfinished, unfulfilled dreams. I would rather get frustrated, stumbled, cried, scarred, laugh at than turning back on my dreams. My dreams, only this things which makes my life exciting. The way I look forward in fulfilling it gives me reason to survive and deflect whatever negative thoughts that coming my way.
Yeah, honestly, I miss home, I miss my old self, I miss my life, I miss a lot of people, I miss my independence but I would not let this emotions hinder me in pursuing whatever I want to pursue. It may be so difficult and impossible for me to accomplish this but still “I tried” and nothing compared to the thought that I have done everything for it than letting the opportunity passed me by. I don’t want to listen to other people, I have my own life, I can decide for myself. I am just making my life worth living as what I believe in want me to do.
This is life. This is what I choose and I will stand for it. Hey, its time for me to grow up and accept the reality of life.
Am I right or Am I just being too hard to myself again?
I dont know. The only thing I know is I am here for a reason... a reason to be revealed soon. -belle 03/09/08 2:30 am sunday
kuwait